By Nathan Barton

I should have paid attention.

I knew it was coming, no, I knew that the situation was grave.

After all, hadn’t the wonderful folks over at Think Progress warned me?

But I didn’t pay attention.  And now it was too late.

I was sitting here with my one-year-old grandson, and already home-schooled, like his older brother and his parents before him. He has just spoken his very first word to his beaming, proud parents.

And to my everlasting horror, what he said is in Russian, NOT English (our native tongue).  Just as I had been warned.

“Da.  Da. Da.”

I didn’t want to believe the Tranzi Regressives over there at Think Progress and all the other places, when they warned us about how the evil Russians were using home-schooling to infiltrate the good ole USA.  About how bad, bad men who had sold out to some foreign religion, like Michael Farris, were in cahoots with the ex-Soviets (the “ex” is silent, I guess) in their plan to turn the United States of America into a land of gulags filled with LGBTQ and atheists in order to convert them into good little agreeable citizens who would never ever go dancing on a rooftop like Tevia or that beloved little Congress-girl.

But here was proof.  My own grandchild, son of godfearing parents, taught with the best advice of home-schooling associations and organizations.  His very first word was in Russian.

“Da.”

(That’s Russian for yes, for people from more than 50 miles outside SF or NYC.)

I was sure that more would follow, because now my eyes were opened.  No doubt “Nyet” would come, but not to his parents or to the religious leaders or to government apparachiks.  Just to those who would try their best to keep him from becoming a racist, warmongering, bigoted, ugly American in firm alliance with their Russian comrades.

(“Nyet” is Russian for “No,” for people from more than 100 miles outside the Beltway or Hollywood.)

Despite his small quantum of Native American and Latino blood, he would grow up to be an Uncle Tomahawk AND (horrors!) an Uncle Juan!  To Russia!

My family is ruined. My own blood will be goosestepping through the doors of Gorbachev Memorial High School in just fourteen short years.  Join the service (the Homeland Security Service) and take his turn on occupation duty on some Ivy League campus to ensure that the crypto-Leftists do not escape from their ghetto and pollute our Fatherland (or is it Motherland) with ideas that are unamerican and try to tell us that bigotry is wrong, Russia is NOT our friend, the GLBTQXZY are NOT all untermenschen, and that women should be in some other condition than permanently pregnant, barefoot, and always preparing and serving supper.

I may be getting things a bit confused.  You’ll have to forgive me, this is very emotional, and I have a hard time organizing my thoughts.

But if I mix Communist and Fascist (National Socialist) and other ideas and doctrine, keep in mind that Putin is BOTH a Communist and a Fascist (as well as a closet Czarist and fanatic Russian Orthodox Christian).  Of course my own grandchild will be influenced by Russian meddling, and the homeschooling system and elite will ensure he is educated and raised as everything which is (to the Regressives, at least) opposed to everything that is progressive, liberal, transnational, and shows love for Mother Earth and all her creatures.

The above is, of course, just satire. I am sure he will learn more and more English words soon.  Well, Gaelic, maybe.

The ridiculous nature of the wild accusations are obvious. This sort of thing is levied against virtually anyone who does not accept and promote their extreme views of society, religion, morality, and politics. Or even be enthusiastic enough about them. They demand far more than tolerance: they want endorsement and a complete surrender of anything which these Regressives believe to be objectionable.

Coupled with their fear and hatred of Russia (and a whole additional list of nations), it results in really bizarre and stupid writings like the one found at Think Progress.

This sort of nonsense is no complement to anyone.

But we need to remember, as lovers of liberty, that we must be careful to avoid similar excesses and connecting of dots which really have no valid connection.