A Baker’s Dozen: The Fuehrer’s Accomplishments

By Nathan Barton

This idea came from a Leno-style countdown written by someone using “English as a second language” (and Queen’s English, to boot) with lots of grammar errors and few mis-concepts and misunderstandings.  But it is too good to pass up the opportunity.

Much as we dislike the man and hate his actions, can we be honest and say he HAS done something good?  The story is told of the rabbi who has made his political opinion on a local race very well known, who is approached by the candidate he has most often attacked.  That candidate (a Republican, as it happens) is willing to donate $100,000 to the synagogue rebuilding campaign, if the rabbi will just say something nice about him.  “You don’t have to tell them I’m a saint,” he tells the rabbi, “but that would be nice.”  The rabbi thinks it over and finally agrees.  The candidate donates the money and next Sabbat, the Rabbi stands up and blesses the congregation and then introduces the candidate sitting in the back.  “This is Mr. Smith, running for Mayor here in our fair city, and I want to let you know about him.  He is a corrupt, lying, thieving, backstabbing, abusive son of a sea serpent, but… compared to the members of his and the other parties representing our city and state in DC, he is an angel.”

So:

A Baker’s Dozen: The “Fuehrer’s” Greatest Achievements to Date

  1. He strengthened international friendship and cooperation between patriots who cling to their guns, religion and integrity.
  2. He increased international awareness of government spying, as a result of the gross violation of human rights and privacy laws committed by the Obama administration.
  3. He made people around the world realize how much we care for our faith and traditions, by constantly insulting our values and stealing our liberties. The threats to our lifestyle force us to become more determined and forceful.
  4. He helped the world become aware of the devaluation of the Nobel Peace Prize: what a joke!
  5. Thanks to the overdose of homosexual propaganda, he established a solid base on which to build “gay-bashing” by showing the nation what the goal of the homosexual propagandists (including him) is: not acceptance but endorsement and embracing the life style.  (By gushing over the openly gay people and couples, yet refusing comments on his own ambiguous past, he facilitated the spread of rumors about his own sexuality.  As a result, he makes Vladimir Putin look even more macho.
  6. His perpetual boasting and phantasms of omnipotence have created a very strong public awareness of the dangers of malignant narcissism. Obama helped to persuade not only mental health professionals but ordinary citizens that Narcissistic Personality Disorder should not disappear from Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM).
  7. By bowing to foreign leaders, making confusing and exceedingly arrogant statements, and use of Arabic and Muslim references, he managed to convince millions around the world to have a more suspicious and hostile attitude to Islam.
  8. He single-handedly revived the concept of the “Manchurian Candidate” and “Manchurian President:” so we will think twice before electing officials who act like servants of a foreign supremacy.
  9. He proved that wussy bureaucrats make bad military leaders and are harmful to our security. The Commander in Chief should both earn and deserve this honorable title. By appointing lapdogs to senior leadership, purging other officers, neglecting veterans, and persecuting soldiers he made us aware how much we respect them and how much we owe them.  Even while he turned them even more into legions of tyranny to the world.
  10. He revived dangerous ideologies; reminding us why and how they proved harmful to humanity and made us want to eradicate them. He brought to light the grotesque features of political correctness, so we are less likely to fall into the trap of laxity and permissiveness.
  11. His disastrous leadership has made us realize that an incompetent and socially irresponsible president should be dismissed like any bad manager. He reminded us that we have the right to demand accountability from our leaders, and that it is essential to limit their power.  He twisted the prime duty of government to serve and protect into a license to abuse and harm.
  12. His actions meant his association with them brought his European allies record unpopularity and riots, and may have made Europeans realize what they have slid into.
  13. He has proved himself to be the best gun salesman in history.

About tpolnathan

Follower of Christ Jesus (christian), Pahasapan, Westerner, Lover of Liberty, Free-Market Anarchist, Engineer, Army Officer, Husband, Father, Historian, Writer.
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