Smile – even Beer Flu (COVID-19) has us punning and joking

We need a break, so here are some cute things to share from a friend and reader, Margaret:

Here is some fun to consider:

Pollution levels dropping at record-breaking rates, fewer cars on the roads, fewer cruise ships in our seas and fewer planes in the sky. Same number of cows.

If you are a hair stylist, sleep now – cuz when its all over, you better have your doors open 24/7 for the number of un-groomed, boxed hair dyed and home-cut dos you’ll have to fix.

Nothing should go back to normal. Normal wasn’t working. If we go back to the way things were, we will have lost the lesson. May we rise up and do better.

I have never been so thankful to be low maintenance. No nails, no lashes, no crazy hair upkeep, no tanning, no Botox. I’ll just be the same mess coming out of all this as I was going in!

Kinda feel like we were just sent to our rooms to think about what we’ve done.

John Travolta was hospitalized for suspected COVID-19, but doctors now confirm it was Saturday Night Fever and they assure everyone he is Staying Alive!

Not to brag, but I’ve been avoiding people long before this virus outbreak started. The man who won’t shake hands – Howie Mandel – is asking, “Who’s crazy now?”

After all the stupid things I’ve done in my life, if I die now because I touched my face, I’m gonna be upset.

So, my husband and I were sitting on our couch yesterday watching TV. Suddenly, I hear a text coming in on my phone, which I’d left in the kitchen. I go to the kitchen to check it, and it’s from my husband: “Please bring the chips along on your way back.”

A neighbor stops by, stays 10 feet away and asks where my husband is. I tell her he’s in the garden. She says she doesn’t see him. I tell her she’ll have to dig first.

Homeschooling went well yesterday. For science, we studied the effect of Nyquil on students.

Today’s beverage special: The Quarantini. It’s just a regular martini but you drink it all alone at your house.

Too bad coronavirus hit during allergy season. I can’t tell if I have five days to live or if I need to take a Claritin.

They say you can’t fix stupid. You can’t quarantine it either. Or apparently, get it out of office.

Anyone else’s car getting three weeks to the gallon right now?

And, just like that, having a mask, rubber gloves, duct tape, plastic sheeting and rope in your trunk is okay!

The drop in gas prices during this lockdown is like a bald man winning a hairbrush.

Dennis the Menace: “Can’t we go to a restaurant? I’m sick of eatin’ groceries!”

Turns out my top three hobbies are eating at restaurants, going to nonessential businesses and touching my face.

All those grandparents who are missing their grandkids right now: Once this is over, you can have them for a month! Sincerely, a tired Mom.

Glad I didn’t waste my money buying a planner for 2020.

Social-distancing world champion: The Abominable Snowman/Yeti.

No hair salons, nail salons or tanning beds – some of you guys are about to meet your girlfriends for the very first time!

We need to change who is in charge of this virus crisis. With three phone calls, Radar could’ve had masks, gloves, ventilators, PPE, 12-year-old Scotch, Rocky Road ice cream and grape Nehi soda.

It’s like being 16 again – gas is cheap, and I’m grounded! Reports are coming in of some places where fuel is selling for 99 cents a gallon, without being watered down and no frequent buyer points from Safeway or Kroger!

The Powerball is up to an 18-pack of Charmin.

So can we expect car insurance premiums to go down since nobody can go anywhere? Just wondering, Jake from State Farm! Actually at least SOME insurance companies have dropped their rates by giving their policy holders one or two months rebates of insurance!

What’s the difference between Wuhan and Las Vegas? What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas.

Fact: In four weeks, 88% of blondes will have disappeared from Earth.

From Dolly Parton: Honey, before this quarantine is over, some of y’all gonna be beggin’ Jolene to take your man!

About TPOL Nathan

Follower of Christ Jesus (christian), Pahasapan, Westerner, Lover of Liberty, Free-Market Anarchist, Engineer, Army Officer, Husband, Father, Historian, Writer.
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