By Nathan Barton
The delightful and compassionate senior Senator for California led a cabal of dozens of Democratic senators in introducing this important bill in the US Senate this week.
According to a press release by the revered Conscript Mother, the bill is misnamed as “The Assault Weapons Ban of 2019.”
I think that the more appropriate name would be the “Weaponsmakers Promotional Act of 2019.”
Why? Because it will undoubtedly set off a mad rash of people going out and buying anything and everything that is included in the bill as being banned. Thus triggering (pun intended) another record year of gun sales here in the Fifty States, and no doubt sucking hundreds of thousands of weapons from overseas to be imported or smuggled into the States.
Twenty-nine senators (almost a third) are introducing the bill, which starts with the infamous 1994 bill (and law), adds all the “improvements” of the 2017 bill, and throws in a few more, just to be on the safe side. The list of bans and related actions sounds like it was actually ghosted by the domestic weapons industry catering to homeowners and enthusiasts.
So, instinctively, what is the first thought that crosses the mind of your average homeowner, concerned by the latest protests, French riots, druggies racing around the neighborhood, and all this rhetoric about impeaching Trump and turning the FedGov into a parliamentary system?
“Gee, if they make the StreetSweeper 2015 model illegal, and even its cousin the DeerSmasher 2015 (in .30-06 and .3030 AND .50) illegal, I better go out and buy one now, in 2019 in the pre-Easter sales events. After all, if that one scares all these Tranzi political hacks so much, it is just what I need!”
Of course, there’s the real gun enthusiast, who looks at her gun rack with all the tarted-up StreetSweeper 2013’s and 2015’s and 2017’s, and all the varieties of DeerSmashers. She says to herself, “I bet that Big Gun Manufacturing Inc. will have some really good sales on their 2019 ‘Sweepers and ‘Smashers to clear out their inventory just in case the ban gets passed and Pelosi is president. So I better sell all these old, outdated ones and be sure to buy enough of the 2019 versions to make sure than even when little Clarissa and Lucy grow up, they’ll be able to have their own and enough for at least three or four of their kids.”
And of course, BGM and all their competitors are gonna get even more ads and emails out through JPFO and GOA and SAF and NRA channels, as well as hiring more folks. And see if BGM can get their 2020 StreetSweeper out even sooner. And they’ll of course visit their banks to see if they can swing another couple of billion in short term loans to expand production.
Actually, this could be a lot more than just a Weaponsmaker “Promotional Act,” before everyone gets done with it. It could boost the whole economy!
And even if the Dems and their Tranzi allies in the GOP can’t impeach and can both Trump and Pence? Hey, the 2020 elections are just around the corner! Sure, the Demo Dream Team of Elizabeth Warren and Kamala Harris (both of them on that list of 29) will win and the anti-gun efforts continue. So more people can get all hot and bothered, and go buy still more!
It might even make these 29 (and the Dems eager to run for the other 71 seats) a little bit compensated if Lady Dianne’s bill doesn’t pass this year: they can go out and beat the bushes for all the Hoploclasts and Hoplophobes to donate more and more money to their 2020 and 2022 campaigns. And that will make the Mainstream Media happier, too. All that campaign advertising revenue! Yippie!
My only question is this one. How did the gun manufacturers and their lobbyists get the Dems to sponsor this bill without having to pour all that money into campaign contributions themselves?
Oh, yeah. Because the Dems, the Tranzis, the Regressives, are stupid. Some of them are really stupid. And you know how to calculate the IQ of a committee of Tranzis, right? Take the IQ of the least intelligent member (I leave deciding who that is to my readers), and divide it by the total number of members of the committee. With 29 of them, that makes for some pretty low IQ numbers.